well tonight was a memory in itself that I think I will remember for a long time, so i think I must write out its details before I forget.
Crossgates goes out to the Rankin County Prison about 2 times a month to lead an hour long service for the prisoners. I have never been until now. the band and orchestra were scheduled to go play so we headed out this afternoon to set up and went back with everyone tonight. basically after getting through the front gate we drove to a meeting hall, where we sign in, leaving our wallets, keys, and cell phones behind, and the doors lock behind us. we had a full band set up, and there was a group of prisoners that had a black gospel sounding band that played before the rest of the prisoners came in, so I got to jam with them, and meet them. so much fun. they were probably better musicians than we were, singing and everything.
Then we began leading the service. leading some congregational songs with some sit down orchesetra tunes mixed in between. to see about 200 prisoners in the room with you, who live behind bars, worshipping with all there heart. i wont forget how excited some of them were. thankfully praising the Lord and crying out to him, and doing that all to the beat of the music. an incredible moment. Scott Ross our missions pastor was there and he got up to give an opportunity for people to be prayed and ministered to. he asked who had a need that needed to be prayed for and about 75% of the room raised their hands. we probably only had like 10 other people with us who were not playing music at the time. and these prisoners began to line up. so me and pete took off our guitars and went up front to pray with guys. I got to pray with a couple prisoners. and was amazed how the Lord equipped me at those moments to pray for those guys' specific needs. As the ministry time started closing down, my eye caught a guy about 10 feet away that was walking up the aisle and around a group of people. I think I was just looking at him because I felt like he was making his way to me for some reason, and he was. I was only catching glimpses of his face through the crowd, but when he came around the corner of the group of people, we were face to face. and I knew him.
He stuck out his hand and said I am Robert Terry. tell me your first name I cant quite remember he said.
I was speechless. Seth, i said. I said Robert..I havent seen you in forever. He said that he was in the back and thought that he recognized me. You see I grew up with Robert. really as early as i can remember. I remember him coming out to second baptist during vacation bible school and stuff. we played tball together. went through elementary and middle school together. I think he may have failed a couple of times as we got older, so we were not in the same classes, but we were the same age. when we were 11 and 12 years old we were on the same baseball team together for a couple of summers. I didnt really hang out outside of those things with him because he was pretty bad. into everything, and could pick a fight with a tree. to be honest with you I never knew what happened to him. he just slowly disappeared as I got older. if you would have asked me last week, I wouldnt have even known if he was still alive. I got to pray with him and listen to his story as everyone was beginning to pack up. I wont go into detail about all of that.
Pete looked at me later and said man I am amazed how you can go anywhere and find someone you know or is from Kosciusko. I dont say it pridefully, but he's kinda right how that always happens wherever I go. All roads lead to Kosciusko, and if they dont, they should-thats what amanda always says.
That wasnt a every week thing for robert either. he said that they never do it this way but they came to his cell block and let them sign up to come tonight. And the Lord brought me out here and orchestrated that moment for me and him to meet. we figured out that we had not seen each other since we were about 13. just thinking about playing summer league baseball and fast forward 10 years later-me visiting from a church and him in prison. lot of emotions stirring. hard night to walk away from.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
3 more days
well tonight I began actually packing up my stuff.I found a cd that me and some friends recorded my freshmen year of college. The blue CD-R is labeled “Big Nick and the Bandits.”
It was the last week of school spring semester 2004. My Dad was turning 50 years old on May 1st and me and my mom wanted to do something special for him. He doesnt really like to make a big deal about his birthdays but this one had to be big. He has never really had a nice guitar. As my teacher, and as much as I have played and bought stuff, he had never owned a nice guitar himself. He still to this day has a jr model guitar that he bought at western auto in kosciusko when he was 15 years old. It has my moms name carved in the back of the head stock from when he bought it in high school. He still sits in his chair at night and plays it while they watch tv. So me and my mom decided to get him something nice that he could plug up and play, since he had started to play with some other guys in town. I shopped for a while and found him a nice acoustic electric guitar, it was a new series of Ibanez, black finish, full bodied, with a fishman pickup in it. We had it all planned out. Mom invited people from home to cock of the walk on the Reservoir and I was going to bring guys from the dorm. That night, she brought him down to eat in Jackson, and he walked in to dining room full of people saying surprise. I also walked in with his brand new guitar. What a great night.
But the night was not over.
After eating and hanging out for a while, I headed back to MC to finish packing. It was the last few days of school and I had already moved my furniture out, so needless to say my room was pretty empty. It was raining outside, and everyone that was stuck in the dorm were all just hanging out in the hall. earlier at cock of the walk, my friends had all started a drum line/ stomp on all of the dishes etc at the table in the restaurant. and with open space in my dorm room the beat continued. A microphone was placed over the room and the recording began. around the circle were the following: me, mark simpson, rob dent, john reed, cade monatgue, reece myers, sunshine(josh miller), dex mccune, david barger, and big nick. its started as just jamming with guitars but that escalated into a full band as 50 gallon buckets with drum sticks appeared, harmonicas passed around, and anything that made noise became a part of the music. but this was not enough, we were not satisfied. then the missing piece found his way to the center of the room, under the microphone, only after removing his shirt, and Big o nick began to freestyle. there are many things spoken through his lyrics was great to hear again. he said things that reminded me of that feeling at the end of freshmen year, how he couldnt wait until we came back next semester in the fall, when we would jam again. And we did in other forms, bands, jam times, but never again did we recreate that moment. we got older, busier, got jobs, had harder classes, got girlfriends. you know, everything that begins to take your time. and we happily gave our time to those things as a part of growing up. we thought there would be other days, but that night was the only one of its kind. and we still have it recorded.
It was the last week of school spring semester 2004. My Dad was turning 50 years old on May 1st and me and my mom wanted to do something special for him. He doesnt really like to make a big deal about his birthdays but this one had to be big. He has never really had a nice guitar. As my teacher, and as much as I have played and bought stuff, he had never owned a nice guitar himself. He still to this day has a jr model guitar that he bought at western auto in kosciusko when he was 15 years old. It has my moms name carved in the back of the head stock from when he bought it in high school. He still sits in his chair at night and plays it while they watch tv. So me and my mom decided to get him something nice that he could plug up and play, since he had started to play with some other guys in town. I shopped for a while and found him a nice acoustic electric guitar, it was a new series of Ibanez, black finish, full bodied, with a fishman pickup in it. We had it all planned out. Mom invited people from home to cock of the walk on the Reservoir and I was going to bring guys from the dorm. That night, she brought him down to eat in Jackson, and he walked in to dining room full of people saying surprise. I also walked in with his brand new guitar. What a great night.
But the night was not over.
After eating and hanging out for a while, I headed back to MC to finish packing. It was the last few days of school and I had already moved my furniture out, so needless to say my room was pretty empty. It was raining outside, and everyone that was stuck in the dorm were all just hanging out in the hall. earlier at cock of the walk, my friends had all started a drum line/ stomp on all of the dishes etc at the table in the restaurant. and with open space in my dorm room the beat continued. A microphone was placed over the room and the recording began. around the circle were the following: me, mark simpson, rob dent, john reed, cade monatgue, reece myers, sunshine(josh miller), dex mccune, david barger, and big nick. its started as just jamming with guitars but that escalated into a full band as 50 gallon buckets with drum sticks appeared, harmonicas passed around, and anything that made noise became a part of the music. but this was not enough, we were not satisfied. then the missing piece found his way to the center of the room, under the microphone, only after removing his shirt, and Big o nick began to freestyle. there are many things spoken through his lyrics was great to hear again. he said things that reminded me of that feeling at the end of freshmen year, how he couldnt wait until we came back next semester in the fall, when we would jam again. And we did in other forms, bands, jam times, but never again did we recreate that moment. we got older, busier, got jobs, had harder classes, got girlfriends. you know, everything that begins to take your time. and we happily gave our time to those things as a part of growing up. we thought there would be other days, but that night was the only one of its kind. and we still have it recorded.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
4 more days
I am unbelievably exhausted today. When I woke up this morning I almost felt sick enough to stay home, but made it through the day after all. I was walking in church this morning around 7:15 and I thought about that fact that I have not been sick since around this time last year.
I had been grilling hotdogs and playing kickball at a park in Belhaven on a Wednesday night with the Jr. High group at fbcj. i smelled like sweat and a charcoal, so I took at crazy fast shower in the clc and loaded my stuff and headed to crossgates to catch the end of choir practice. Buster had invited me to come and hang out and bring my gear to play that Sunday night. I felt so sick by the time I had got to Brandon but kept a straight face through it all since it was my first time there. Afterwards I went to the Net and was introduced to some of the high school band guys and talked there for a few minutes.
Lets just say that when I got in my car to drive back to Clinton I knew that my time was drawing near. I drove as fast as I could, but every bump in the road made everything worse. I turned on Springridge road in Clinton, then on to hwy80, then I turned on to capitol st through the college headed to my house. MC had just installed new speed bumps on that road. headed up that hill, flying, just trying to get home, I went over the first speed bump. I had enough time to pull right into the side road by the colisieum and get my car door half way open. and I threw up everywhere.
I was sick for the next 2 or 3 days. food poisoning I guess or the stomach virus. And I knew then through those few days that something was trying its best to discourage me to go to Crossgates that sunday night to play for the first time. And to be honest I almost backed out. but I was better by sunday and went. If I hadnt went. well, things would be very different now.
This whole event took place in April of course. The previous September, me and JJ and Nick Jones went camping one weekend. We had wanted to take a camping trip like this for a while. We went to stay one night, and we were going to fast for that time. When we got there that Friday afternoon, we all split and went on our own hike to spend time with the Lord. I hiked for a couple of hours, and we all came back to camp by dark. During my time the Lord lead me to memorize part of John 15. "I am the vine, and you are the branches...abide in me.. apart from me you can do nothing...the gardener prunes the vine so that it may produce more fruit." And this scripture had nothing to do with anything in my life at this time. I didnt understand why the Lord me to it, but He did. Fast forward to the beginning of April. Crossgates had contacted me and began to talk to me about the possibility of working for them. they offered my a job, and I had no idea. I was so scared to leave fbcj where I had been for 4 years as an intern. but I knew it was time to move on. I had learned so much there, been there through 4 different youth ministers, watched 9th graders graduate from high school, had invested life into those students, and I was comfortable, but it was time to go.
At this point in April after the job offer, I went on a fast for 3 days. I prayed and dove into scripture and listened to the Lord for direction on whether or not Crossgates was where He wanted me to be, I was kind of skeptical about saying yes to the first opportunity for some reason. During this fasting time the Lord kept bringing back to me Hebrews 12 where it speaks of the Lord disciplining His sons because He loves them. --I asked over and over, what does this have to do with me praying about going to Crossgates.
That upcoming Sunday me and Amanda went to Crossgates to visit a Sunday morning service. The service was great, the music was good. The pastor stepped up to preached and asked us to turn to John 15 where he was preaching that day (instantly thinking of that September camping fast). He explained about pruning the vines saying sometimes people serving the Lord in different places may have opportunity to use their talents in bigger ways elsewhere. And it might sound harsh to prune and cut back the branches on a vine, but by doing so it will be able to bear much more fruit. I hung on to this every word. And then especially when He opened to Hebrews 12 and continued on pruning saying that a Father disciplines his son because He loves him. that was my release. Unbelivable. no, more than that. perfect.
I started Crossgates on June 16th 2008.
I had been grilling hotdogs and playing kickball at a park in Belhaven on a Wednesday night with the Jr. High group at fbcj. i smelled like sweat and a charcoal, so I took at crazy fast shower in the clc and loaded my stuff and headed to crossgates to catch the end of choir practice. Buster had invited me to come and hang out and bring my gear to play that Sunday night. I felt so sick by the time I had got to Brandon but kept a straight face through it all since it was my first time there. Afterwards I went to the Net and was introduced to some of the high school band guys and talked there for a few minutes.
Lets just say that when I got in my car to drive back to Clinton I knew that my time was drawing near. I drove as fast as I could, but every bump in the road made everything worse. I turned on Springridge road in Clinton, then on to hwy80, then I turned on to capitol st through the college headed to my house. MC had just installed new speed bumps on that road. headed up that hill, flying, just trying to get home, I went over the first speed bump. I had enough time to pull right into the side road by the colisieum and get my car door half way open. and I threw up everywhere.
I was sick for the next 2 or 3 days. food poisoning I guess or the stomach virus. And I knew then through those few days that something was trying its best to discourage me to go to Crossgates that sunday night to play for the first time. And to be honest I almost backed out. but I was better by sunday and went. If I hadnt went. well, things would be very different now.
This whole event took place in April of course. The previous September, me and JJ and Nick Jones went camping one weekend. We had wanted to take a camping trip like this for a while. We went to stay one night, and we were going to fast for that time. When we got there that Friday afternoon, we all split and went on our own hike to spend time with the Lord. I hiked for a couple of hours, and we all came back to camp by dark. During my time the Lord lead me to memorize part of John 15. "I am the vine, and you are the branches...abide in me.. apart from me you can do nothing...the gardener prunes the vine so that it may produce more fruit." And this scripture had nothing to do with anything in my life at this time. I didnt understand why the Lord me to it, but He did. Fast forward to the beginning of April. Crossgates had contacted me and began to talk to me about the possibility of working for them. they offered my a job, and I had no idea. I was so scared to leave fbcj where I had been for 4 years as an intern. but I knew it was time to move on. I had learned so much there, been there through 4 different youth ministers, watched 9th graders graduate from high school, had invested life into those students, and I was comfortable, but it was time to go.
At this point in April after the job offer, I went on a fast for 3 days. I prayed and dove into scripture and listened to the Lord for direction on whether or not Crossgates was where He wanted me to be, I was kind of skeptical about saying yes to the first opportunity for some reason. During this fasting time the Lord kept bringing back to me Hebrews 12 where it speaks of the Lord disciplining His sons because He loves them. --I asked over and over, what does this have to do with me praying about going to Crossgates.
That upcoming Sunday me and Amanda went to Crossgates to visit a Sunday morning service. The service was great, the music was good. The pastor stepped up to preached and asked us to turn to John 15 where he was preaching that day (instantly thinking of that September camping fast). He explained about pruning the vines saying sometimes people serving the Lord in different places may have opportunity to use their talents in bigger ways elsewhere. And it might sound harsh to prune and cut back the branches on a vine, but by doing so it will be able to bear much more fruit. I hung on to this every word. And then especially when He opened to Hebrews 12 and continued on pruning saying that a Father disciplines his son because He loves him. that was my release. Unbelivable. no, more than that. perfect.
I started Crossgates on June 16th 2008.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
5 more days
well tonight I'm back in clinton, and I'm tired of living out of a duffle bag, which I've done for the last week I feel like. me and amanda spent the day at the festival with my family. we went home about 3:30 and watch tv for a little bit, I fell asleep for an hour or so. we went with my parents and we ate dinner and then we left for brandon to drop amanda off, and now I'm back in clinton. Im sitting on my front porch typing and the weather in perfect. when i got out of my car, i walked up the deck and the smell in my nose was that of the first year I lived here and the excitement it was to live in a house and be out of school. I almost felt for a second as I walked to the mailbox that I was about to be out of school. I guess that feeling of anticipation fills my bones when the weather gets like this each year, and it will probably take a couple more seasons to grow out of it. but I hope i never do.
I talked to an old friend on my way back from brandon, and for a little while after I got home. me and my friend shaundell had been playing phone tag for the last 2 days, and he has called my several times this past month and I had not called him back yet.
fall of 2004 I was rooming with Nick. one night he was with some friends at pete's(a pizza place on campus that now is jazzmans) and they saw someone they knew. they were all having a conversation, and the friend said meet Shaundell. Nick shook his hand and began to hear his story. He grew up in California. His parents got divorced and his mom moved to jackson where she had some family . She had lived here for years. after high school he moved here with her and some how ended up at MC. His mom lived in downtown jackson off of gallitin st. she worked at clinton walmart and dropped him off at school everyday. from the morning until about 9 of 10 that night, he was on campus. no car. no money. no food. and no where to stay. So Nick just said Hey man, we live in that dorm at this room number. if you need a place to stay, or somewhere to just crash in the afternoon our door is open. Nick came back to the room and told me about the situation. and the next day, i was doing homework and a knock at the door. A tall black guy with a red hood on stuck his head in the door and I welcomed him in, we talked some and he sat on the couch and took a nap. from that september until the end of the year. Shaundell lived with us. Not sure the school would have been okay with that, but we did it anyways. he slept on our couch, or some nights we would give him our beds and we would sleep on the couch. when he needed food, we got him food. he became friends with our friends. he would stay with us about 2 or 3 days and then one of us would take him home. Nick told me about the first night he took him home. He pulled up in the drive way at his house and Nick asked if he could pray with him. So they bowed their heads and prayed. Nick told me when he got back that he got to pray with him and continued to the next several times. the first night I took him home we pulled up in the driveway and i looked over and he aleady had his head bowed.
from talking with him, we found out that he had never celebrated his birthday before. his family never acknowledged it, never really got any presents or anything. so we got a cake with his name on it, party hats, we bought him a basketball (which was like gold-thats all he did), and a bible. he came to the room one night and we yelled surprise. he had nothing to say, he was so happy, and this guy that always wore a hood everyday over his head, inside and out, who kept to himself, could do nothing but hug us. he just said thank you, we sang happy birthday, blew out candles, the whole thing. and he smiled all the way home that night, and held his basketball.
that spring one night, sitting in a neighbors dorm room stairing by himself at one of those posters with the names of God on it, asked the question could God really save him from his sins. Shaundell came to know that Lord that night.
the look on his face when he opened that door, of which we were all on the outside of in the hall praying, I will never forget that look, and those eyes, when he finally got it.
we had a friend walking to class that next day and saw Shaundell walking, they came to let me and nick know that Shaundell wasn't wearing wearing his hood.
walking from darkness to light. beautiful. thats real. thats what its about.
I talked to an old friend on my way back from brandon, and for a little while after I got home. me and my friend shaundell had been playing phone tag for the last 2 days, and he has called my several times this past month and I had not called him back yet.
fall of 2004 I was rooming with Nick. one night he was with some friends at pete's(a pizza place on campus that now is jazzmans) and they saw someone they knew. they were all having a conversation, and the friend said meet Shaundell. Nick shook his hand and began to hear his story. He grew up in California. His parents got divorced and his mom moved to jackson where she had some family . She had lived here for years. after high school he moved here with her and some how ended up at MC. His mom lived in downtown jackson off of gallitin st. she worked at clinton walmart and dropped him off at school everyday. from the morning until about 9 of 10 that night, he was on campus. no car. no money. no food. and no where to stay. So Nick just said Hey man, we live in that dorm at this room number. if you need a place to stay, or somewhere to just crash in the afternoon our door is open. Nick came back to the room and told me about the situation. and the next day, i was doing homework and a knock at the door. A tall black guy with a red hood on stuck his head in the door and I welcomed him in, we talked some and he sat on the couch and took a nap. from that september until the end of the year. Shaundell lived with us. Not sure the school would have been okay with that, but we did it anyways. he slept on our couch, or some nights we would give him our beds and we would sleep on the couch. when he needed food, we got him food. he became friends with our friends. he would stay with us about 2 or 3 days and then one of us would take him home. Nick told me about the first night he took him home. He pulled up in the drive way at his house and Nick asked if he could pray with him. So they bowed their heads and prayed. Nick told me when he got back that he got to pray with him and continued to the next several times. the first night I took him home we pulled up in the driveway and i looked over and he aleady had his head bowed.
from talking with him, we found out that he had never celebrated his birthday before. his family never acknowledged it, never really got any presents or anything. so we got a cake with his name on it, party hats, we bought him a basketball (which was like gold-thats all he did), and a bible. he came to the room one night and we yelled surprise. he had nothing to say, he was so happy, and this guy that always wore a hood everyday over his head, inside and out, who kept to himself, could do nothing but hug us. he just said thank you, we sang happy birthday, blew out candles, the whole thing. and he smiled all the way home that night, and held his basketball.
that spring one night, sitting in a neighbors dorm room stairing by himself at one of those posters with the names of God on it, asked the question could God really save him from his sins. Shaundell came to know that Lord that night.
the look on his face when he opened that door, of which we were all on the outside of in the hall praying, I will never forget that look, and those eyes, when he finally got it.
we had a friend walking to class that next day and saw Shaundell walking, they came to let me and nick know that Shaundell wasn't wearing wearing his hood.
walking from darkness to light. beautiful. thats real. thats what its about.
Friday, April 24, 2009
6 more days
this morning i got some shipley's donuts for me and amanda. just a little surprise before our weekend away in Kosciusko for the Natchez Trace Festival.
There was once a friday morning tradition similar to this. Me, JJ, and Matt Martin(who we frequently called ChiChi, or Cheech) used to go get breakfast on Friday mornings. It was almost just a celebration that it was friday, even though it was not fun waking up at like 7:30 to go through with it. It was worth it to celebrate. and to chill. we also went a couple of times to the old gravity coffee house and got beignets and coffee.
---ill have to apologize for this but at this point in the blog i am finishing the post on saturday. i know i know, not staying committed to the task.
me and amanda and my parents went to go eat chinese buffet in Kosciusko today and we got on a really crazy topic and it brought back some crazy memories of 2005 when hurricane Katrina hit the coast. we kinda started all just telling our stories of where we were the day it all happened. me and my friends were all out in the middle of the storm when it hit MC's campus. we went to the highest point we were able to get to-which was on top of alumni hall. at that time, or at least shortly before, students were allowed to go up there and hang out, I think it had been shut down by this time. cause i remember crawling through a window to get out to the patio. the wind was going crazy and it was raining. I remember watching the shingles on top of Jennings flying off up into a whirlwind in a circle in the air. crazy. we took some mad pics to prove it before we were escorted off of the roof and out of the building by security. Standing in front of our dorm, me and JJ remember watching the banners on the lamp posts on the quad having their poles broken by the wind. the banners blowing in the wind, and people stopping, jumping, ripping them down and stealing them. no power in the Chrestmen, and it was hot.
but one memory that I won't forget about that day( this always comes up between me and greyson when we remember the hurricane)----that night a bunch of the guys in the dorm that didnt leave just yet, we all just roamed aroud in the dark until we found each other and we ended up in a dorm room, don't ask me how I remember but i think it was phil walkers room on 2nd floor. we all brought guitars i remember greyson being there along with steven whitfield, josh miller"sunshine", ellis purdie, and it was dark so it was hard to remember the rest, and a lot of people came and went but about 12-15 of us hung out in there for a couple of hours. it was hot, no AC or fresh air and a stinch of staleness in the air. we all were just hanging out together because together our candles and flashlights gave more light than being alone. we were all sharing the stories that we had heard from the day, most blown way out of proportion and some propbably not even close to the disaster that had really gone on south of us. but it was a huge day, even though we had no idea, we did know that it was real bad.
we started playing guitar, jamming to some funny songs, just messing around, being stupid, we kept playing louder and singing louder...and our songs changed. and I remember looking around and...people were worshiping. I mean not like a church service, I mean like I had never seen before, without a planned agenda, the Lord just showed up in that room. I dont know how to type it. we were singing so loud. it was so real. it was so real. it was real.in the dark. hands raised in surrender. i even saw a guy crying. if you had just walked down that hall, you would not have been able to walk by without coming in the doorway. it was surreal. And the crazyiest thing about it was the fact of everything else that had gone on that day. we had almost forgot about it. I mean one of the biggest days, that we will remember all of our lives had just happened, but HE was bigger than all of that. in a fallen world where stuff happens like hurricanes and people dying. it was happening at the same time the Lord came down in that little dorm room and left us speechless and unable to do anything else but just worship and be broken because of His love and greatness. when the conversation of the hurricane comes up, and it has a couple of times, when greyson was around. ha, we just say"man, but do you remember that night in the dorm when we gathered in that room, we..." and we dont know how to tell people. but we know, we remember, and we wont forget.
There was once a friday morning tradition similar to this. Me, JJ, and Matt Martin(who we frequently called ChiChi, or Cheech) used to go get breakfast on Friday mornings. It was almost just a celebration that it was friday, even though it was not fun waking up at like 7:30 to go through with it. It was worth it to celebrate. and to chill. we also went a couple of times to the old gravity coffee house and got beignets and coffee.
---ill have to apologize for this but at this point in the blog i am finishing the post on saturday. i know i know, not staying committed to the task.
me and amanda and my parents went to go eat chinese buffet in Kosciusko today and we got on a really crazy topic and it brought back some crazy memories of 2005 when hurricane Katrina hit the coast. we kinda started all just telling our stories of where we were the day it all happened. me and my friends were all out in the middle of the storm when it hit MC's campus. we went to the highest point we were able to get to-which was on top of alumni hall. at that time, or at least shortly before, students were allowed to go up there and hang out, I think it had been shut down by this time. cause i remember crawling through a window to get out to the patio. the wind was going crazy and it was raining. I remember watching the shingles on top of Jennings flying off up into a whirlwind in a circle in the air. crazy. we took some mad pics to prove it before we were escorted off of the roof and out of the building by security. Standing in front of our dorm, me and JJ remember watching the banners on the lamp posts on the quad having their poles broken by the wind. the banners blowing in the wind, and people stopping, jumping, ripping them down and stealing them. no power in the Chrestmen, and it was hot.
but one memory that I won't forget about that day( this always comes up between me and greyson when we remember the hurricane)----that night a bunch of the guys in the dorm that didnt leave just yet, we all just roamed aroud in the dark until we found each other and we ended up in a dorm room, don't ask me how I remember but i think it was phil walkers room on 2nd floor. we all brought guitars i remember greyson being there along with steven whitfield, josh miller"sunshine", ellis purdie, and it was dark so it was hard to remember the rest, and a lot of people came and went but about 12-15 of us hung out in there for a couple of hours. it was hot, no AC or fresh air and a stinch of staleness in the air. we all were just hanging out together because together our candles and flashlights gave more light than being alone. we were all sharing the stories that we had heard from the day, most blown way out of proportion and some propbably not even close to the disaster that had really gone on south of us. but it was a huge day, even though we had no idea, we did know that it was real bad.
we started playing guitar, jamming to some funny songs, just messing around, being stupid, we kept playing louder and singing louder...and our songs changed. and I remember looking around and...people were worshiping. I mean not like a church service, I mean like I had never seen before, without a planned agenda, the Lord just showed up in that room. I dont know how to type it. we were singing so loud. it was so real. it was so real. it was real.in the dark. hands raised in surrender. i even saw a guy crying. if you had just walked down that hall, you would not have been able to walk by without coming in the doorway. it was surreal. And the crazyiest thing about it was the fact of everything else that had gone on that day. we had almost forgot about it. I mean one of the biggest days, that we will remember all of our lives had just happened, but HE was bigger than all of that. in a fallen world where stuff happens like hurricanes and people dying. it was happening at the same time the Lord came down in that little dorm room and left us speechless and unable to do anything else but just worship and be broken because of His love and greatness. when the conversation of the hurricane comes up, and it has a couple of times, when greyson was around. ha, we just say"man, but do you remember that night in the dorm when we gathered in that room, we..." and we dont know how to tell people. but we know, we remember, and we wont forget.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
7 more days
I just got back from the college worship service at the church. Kyle preached an incredible message out of Luke 12. "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple..."
I am so sleepy, so tired to even think that well. Driving home in a daze I remember times in the last couple of years that those scriptures have driven me to a place of surrender.
I can't remember much before my sophomore year in college, of how my heart felt about counting the cost. what is would be like to go-wherever the Lord called me. to leave whatever I had to leave, or lose whatever I need to lose so that the name of the Lord may be lifted high and carried to places of darkness to bring light. BUT I do remember the springtime of 2005 and the stirring of my heart. I really can't believe that I still look back on that season and consider it a milestone of my faith. The freeing of my heart spawned from a lot of things---Coming out of a 2 1/2 year relationship, reading a book called Finding God in Sunsets and Sushi, taking ministry classes for the first time and diving into what that really meant, and having a guy named Shaundell walk into the lives of me and my roomate.(I'll save the Shaundell story for a later post)
The Lord just turned my heart upside down and gave me a fresh look at life and what it was about, and those are times in our life that we never forget. Its when all things make sense again. we have a purpose, we have a mission. I was terrified to leave this place---my family, my friends, my comfort, my routines, my home. And the Lord just began to walk me into conversations with people and into hands on ministry where I was uncomfortable. Little by little that spring I began to be challenged by things that brought me fear and I began to gain victory through Jesus. There was no rival---Kyle said it that way tonight and what a simple way to put it. But there was no rival--if HE decided to rearrange the furniture in my life, I was ready. I would have jumped on an airplane and went anywhere. my heart had been set free, and it's still really hard to explain, but I'm typing about it right now and I know that the Lord walked me through.
Two years after that in the Spring of 2007 I experienced one of the same things except in a smaller amount of time. I was saturated at that point with school, stuff, and time so much that I wanted to throw up(much like the feeling I get now when Im busy, spend my time on stuff, and then have to drive 25 min home afterwards). keep in mind, this "stuff" i speak of is good stuff, but can become just tasks at times and lose flavor. I began to listen to David Platt a lot at this point and He did a series called follow me. that did it for me. it tore me apart. I was ready to sell everything I had. I would have left it all. I was thinking radically. I had things to change, and ties to cut.
Some days that I walk through I wish life were that simple, to have no more "busy work," but to be able to get straight to the point, and live the life. But life gets in the way sometimes. But I gotta keep fighting.
I am so sleepy, so tired to even think that well. Driving home in a daze I remember times in the last couple of years that those scriptures have driven me to a place of surrender.
I can't remember much before my sophomore year in college, of how my heart felt about counting the cost. what is would be like to go-wherever the Lord called me. to leave whatever I had to leave, or lose whatever I need to lose so that the name of the Lord may be lifted high and carried to places of darkness to bring light. BUT I do remember the springtime of 2005 and the stirring of my heart. I really can't believe that I still look back on that season and consider it a milestone of my faith. The freeing of my heart spawned from a lot of things---Coming out of a 2 1/2 year relationship, reading a book called Finding God in Sunsets and Sushi, taking ministry classes for the first time and diving into what that really meant, and having a guy named Shaundell walk into the lives of me and my roomate.(I'll save the Shaundell story for a later post)
The Lord just turned my heart upside down and gave me a fresh look at life and what it was about, and those are times in our life that we never forget. Its when all things make sense again. we have a purpose, we have a mission. I was terrified to leave this place---my family, my friends, my comfort, my routines, my home. And the Lord just began to walk me into conversations with people and into hands on ministry where I was uncomfortable. Little by little that spring I began to be challenged by things that brought me fear and I began to gain victory through Jesus. There was no rival---Kyle said it that way tonight and what a simple way to put it. But there was no rival--if HE decided to rearrange the furniture in my life, I was ready. I would have jumped on an airplane and went anywhere. my heart had been set free, and it's still really hard to explain, but I'm typing about it right now and I know that the Lord walked me through.
Two years after that in the Spring of 2007 I experienced one of the same things except in a smaller amount of time. I was saturated at that point with school, stuff, and time so much that I wanted to throw up(much like the feeling I get now when Im busy, spend my time on stuff, and then have to drive 25 min home afterwards). keep in mind, this "stuff" i speak of is good stuff, but can become just tasks at times and lose flavor. I began to listen to David Platt a lot at this point and He did a series called follow me. that did it for me. it tore me apart. I was ready to sell everything I had. I would have left it all. I was thinking radically. I had things to change, and ties to cut.
Some days that I walk through I wish life were that simple, to have no more "busy work," but to be able to get straight to the point, and live the life. But life gets in the way sometimes. But I gotta keep fighting.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
8 more days
well the times that I have had to post my entries have been very random, because I have not been in a place with internet or internet that allows looking at blog sites in the last day or so. I saw a copy of the MC yearbook today, Amanda brought one up to the office, and I saw a pic of Greyson in it leading worship. One thing about this house that I'm sitting in is that it isn't the same without Greyson Campbell. This house was once always full of people, every night, or at least it felt like a lot of people. it was the hang out. And we always wanted it to be. It was the same way at college when we lived on the Hall. we cleaned our rooms every thursday afternoon, because we knew that thursday night was open dorm night. The party always happened. It usually involved Smallville, red plaid shirts, great wall chinese food, waffle house after 12. we enjoyed company always, even if it was someone we had never met. but there was something about going through a hard week, and looking forward to a night when everyone hung out.
November of 07 was when we decided to have thanksgiving at our house, buster's friends, my friends, greysons friends, we all got together before some people left for the holiday or school got out and all got together to cook. I cooked a turkey. It was beautiful. people enjoyed it. it felt like home. not because we had cool surround sound in the living room, or we could cook a turkey, but the desire in our hearts was being met when we were able to watch community form and live around a group of people that loved each other, as well as they could, and just live. live life everyday. i never took it for granted. and now this house, this same house feels nothing like that. I mean I have my roomate allen here, and we are friends, we really are, but the closeness of community in a group of people no longer lives here. those days are gone. that season has passed from this place. it was a great moment to be a part of, but this house only wears out its welcome months later.
community. we crave it don't we. I do. we were created to. and when it's good, it's good.
in the past 6 years I have heard the term community, and watched it be defined within several seasons-in this house, at central hills as a counselor with marshall, fletcher, vanhorn, JJ, chad betts, jill, or on second floor chrestmen. everytime I have had to leave those places, move from those campgrounds or dormitories, it has been very hard to walk back into the real world. just last month I was able to go on a trip to Mexico with 7 other people and I experienced the same- a feeling of community that makes it hard to walk away from, because there's nothing else like it. within a season of living in a place like this, is where i met the woman who will be my wife in 3 months. my conversations and time with Amanda operate on honesty and being real, and I can rest in a place like that. I can accomplish things in a place like that.
if someone reads this, and you think i sound ridiculous, its only because you have never had the opportunity to experience it. dont stop looking for it, and dont try too hard either. just be yourself and let others do the same. and realize that all of you need Jesus. so walk together, laugh together, cry together, share meals with one another, pray together, give them something they need that you have and expect nothing in return, and don't be something that you're not.
love and be loved and love Jesus.
November of 07 was when we decided to have thanksgiving at our house, buster's friends, my friends, greysons friends, we all got together before some people left for the holiday or school got out and all got together to cook. I cooked a turkey. It was beautiful. people enjoyed it. it felt like home. not because we had cool surround sound in the living room, or we could cook a turkey, but the desire in our hearts was being met when we were able to watch community form and live around a group of people that loved each other, as well as they could, and just live. live life everyday. i never took it for granted. and now this house, this same house feels nothing like that. I mean I have my roomate allen here, and we are friends, we really are, but the closeness of community in a group of people no longer lives here. those days are gone. that season has passed from this place. it was a great moment to be a part of, but this house only wears out its welcome months later.
community. we crave it don't we. I do. we were created to. and when it's good, it's good.
in the past 6 years I have heard the term community, and watched it be defined within several seasons-in this house, at central hills as a counselor with marshall, fletcher, vanhorn, JJ, chad betts, jill, or on second floor chrestmen. everytime I have had to leave those places, move from those campgrounds or dormitories, it has been very hard to walk back into the real world. just last month I was able to go on a trip to Mexico with 7 other people and I experienced the same- a feeling of community that makes it hard to walk away from, because there's nothing else like it. within a season of living in a place like this, is where i met the woman who will be my wife in 3 months. my conversations and time with Amanda operate on honesty and being real, and I can rest in a place like that. I can accomplish things in a place like that.
if someone reads this, and you think i sound ridiculous, its only because you have never had the opportunity to experience it. dont stop looking for it, and dont try too hard either. just be yourself and let others do the same. and realize that all of you need Jesus. so walk together, laugh together, cry together, share meals with one another, pray together, give them something they need that you have and expect nothing in return, and don't be something that you're not.
love and be loved and love Jesus.
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